


It may be hard for me to ever show

by giraffewrites



Series: For The Time You Chose [1]
Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Billy Hargrove Redemption, Child Abuse, Fix-It, Homophobic Language, Period-Typical Homophobia, Season/Series 03 Spoilers, Spoilers, domestic abuse, post season two, pre season three, redemption arc, sibling relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-06
Updated: 2019-07-06
Packaged: 2020-06-23 15:24:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19704157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/giraffewrites/pseuds/giraffewrites
Summary: But the truth is, is that it hasn’t always been like that. When Billy and Max first met, they’d gotten along. Whilst still tender about his mom leaving and Neil’s abuse becoming worse, especially now that his only punching bag was Billy, he wasn’t afraid of forming new relationships with people. Hell, for a short period of time, he hadn’t hated Susan.Of course, this didn’t last long.My take on Billy and Max's relationship spanning from the end of season two, running up to (maybe into and beyond) season three, and glances at what it first was. Spoilers ahead, will eventually include Harringrove but will focus on Billy and Max.





	It may be hard for me to ever show

**Author's Note:**

> Season three made me so upset and angry, holy shit. Not only did they kill Billy but they portray him and Max as having a stronger/actual bond but don't show how they got to that point... do the Duffer Brothers even know how much potential they waste?
> 
> This series is post season two and pre season three, although depending on where this fic goes (I have a plan but not a full one), it may go into season three. Although will end up being Harringrove, but the focus will remain on Billy and Max.
> 
> Titles of the series and this fic are from 7 Second's song 'Sister'.

It would surprise many people if they found out the truth. Looking at the two of them just a year back in California - hell, just a short while back before Billy found Max at the Byer’s, they weren’t close. They were siblings through the marriage of their parents, and that’s all. They didn’t even have enough of a relationship to class it as strained. They lived in the same house, with the same people, and travelled to and from school together. They existed around one another, but in no way did they feel connected, and certainly not related to each other.

But the truth is, is that it hasn’t always been like that. When Billy and Max first met, they’d gotten along. Whilst still tender about his mom leaving and Neil’s abuse becoming worse, especially now that his only punching bag was Billy, he wasn’t afraid of forming new relationships with people. Hell, for a short period of time, he hadn’t hated Susan. For two hours he and Max would be alone after school, Neil and Susan at work. The first few times it’d been awkward. But eventually they’d figured that they only had each other for company, it would be stupid if they didn’t get to know one another.

Max showed Billy where her mom kept the candy, and Billy helped Max with her maths homework and taught her how to (almost successfully) do flips off the couch and onto the cushions. Sometimes they’d play make believe in the house (both their favourite being pirates), and other times they’d sneak out to the park, always timing it perfectly so their parents never found out. Pocket money was saved and put together, and every Saturday after being forced to baseball practice, Billy would pick up comic books for them. Sometimes Max would steal her mom’s makeup, and with the cheap cosmetics the two of them would become clowns, princesses, anything their imagination came up with.

Of course, this didn’t last long.

It was a Saturday when it happened. Neil had left for the weekend the night prior for work training, and Susan was at her book club. After spending an hour trying to learn how to skate without falling off, the two youngsters had given up and opted for an indoor activity. With Neil’s vinyl playing, they’d decided dress up was the answer. Billy did Max’s makeup and showed her how to do a loose plait in her hair, and after putting a hairband in his hair, Max started on Billy’s makeup. She was half way through making his eyelids blue when they heard the key start in the door. They’d frozen in fear, unable to drag their eyes away from the door. It opened to reveal Susan, thankfully, on her own. She saw the two of them sat on the floor and after staring for a few seconds, closed the door.

“I don’t think that’s quite your shade, Billy,” she’d said, voice soft and without edge. She’d watched his shoulders untense before turning to her daughter. “I couldn’t find Wonder Woman, but I got some I thought you might like. I’ll leave them on the table for you.”

Only when she stepped into the kitchen, did Billy breathe again. “I’m taking this off,” he’d mumbled, standing up and reaching a hand out to Max when she’d offered to help.

Later on in the evening, whilst dinner was cooking, the three of them sat at the table. Susan had spent the afternoon cleaning and preparing food, whilst Max and Billy stayed outside, the small redhead trying to assure her brother that her mom wasn’t going to rat them out to Neil. Susan had once told Max’s dad that the reason his favourite mug was broken was because she’d dropped it, not because Max had a tantrum and threw it. Billy wearing makeup was _way_ less of a deal than a broken mug.

“If you’re going to do it, you have to make sure that your father doesn’t see.” Billy’s head snapped up, his step-mother’s voice directed at him. “I know you’re only having fun… but he won’t see it like that. You know he doesn’t have the best of tempers,” Susan slipped Max’s hand out of her own, both their nails freshly painted. She reached out for Billy’s hand, seeing the confusion alongside the curiosity in his eyes. “I have nail varnish remover. We’ll take it off long before he’s home.”

Scared yet intrigued, Billy slowly stretched his hand out. By the time dinner was ready, Max and Billy were comparing nail colours.

It was halfway through dinner when worry struck them all. The front door opened, and from the dinning table they watched Neil walk in. Billy had been about to excuse himself to the toilet when Neil’s spoke.

“Come take this from me, boy,” he demanded, holding his duffle bag out. When Billy hadn’t moved, Neil scoffed. “Are you deaf?” He spat. “Come. And take. This bag.”

“Let him eat, I’ll take it to our room,” Susan insisted, standing up.

“He can get it himself!”

Taking a deep breath, Billy had gotten up and gone over to his father. He’d planned on taking the bag from beneath so his father wouldn’t see his nails. Neil had other plans, however, as he tossed the bag to Billy, and out of instinct, Billy had caught it against his chest, arms wrapped around it, hands in the front, painted nails exposed.

Billy didn’t have time to think before his father had him against the wall, Susan rushing Max to her room before trying to get between her husband and Billy, only to receive a fist to the barely healed wound on her cheekbone. She remained on the floor as Neil screamed at his son, yanking his hair when he tried focusing his eyes somewhere else. He was told to take ‘that faggot shit’ off his fingernails immediately, and go to his room.

Billy had thought that Susan would defend him, like he used to defend his mom, but the woman had just sat there, not even looking at him, keeping her sympathy for herself.

That night, when his fingernails were without colours and the remainders of his food were in the bin, a twinge of anger and anxiety twisted in Billy’s gut. Listening to the argument of his dad and Susan from his room, Billy made a decision. He couldn’t trust Susan, and Max wasn’t a friend, much less so his sister. She was Susan’s daughter, and Susan had just sat there and let Billy take the abuse from his father. Max was sure to turn out the same. Part of him wondered if they’d set him up. No, he had to protect himself, even if that meant in the process, he got isolated.

For the first time since Max gave it to him in exchange for his skateboard, Billy didn’t sleep with the green alpaca toy. He’d placed it under his bed, turning away from his bedside table, the home to nail varnish stained cotton buds, and vowed that from now on, he and Max can’t be close.

Since the night at the Byers, and Max making Billy apologise to her nerd squad and King Steve himself, Billy’s been thinking about how Neil’s abuse and Susan’s fear didn’t only impact him, but Max also. He’s never been utterly oblivious; he knew that their behaviour and attitudes have impacted her. Yet he’d never realised just how much. Whereas it made anger Billy’s defence mechanism, his walls high and temper short, it made Max protective. It made her grow up just a little bit too soon, made her know that sometimes she had to step in and face people, especially when other’s refused to do so. Said realisation had set off a protectiveness for Max that Billy hadn’t felt in a long time. Not to this degree, at least. It’s made him want to attempt to fix their relationship, but he’s convinced it’ll be a losing game.

___

The first thing that goes through Billy’s mind when Neil calls him into the lounge is _what’s he going to blame me for now?._ To his surprise, however, Max is sat on the couch, Susan stood behind Neil’s chair. Billy sits on the other side of the couch, making sure not to slouch.

“Susan won two tickets for a cruise,” Neil announces, facial expression remaining cold. “We’ll be leaving next week, and returning two weeks before school starts. Billy, you’re to look after Maxine whilst we’re gone. There’s money on the table for groceries, and groceries only. Make it last.”

Billy doesn’t bother asking where they’re going, nor does he congratulate Susan on winning, or even how she won. He needs to leave for work in ten minutes, and even if he didn’t, this conversation has already been too long. “Okay,” he says simply, “I hope you enjoy it.”

Max asks all the questions Billy didn’t, and a nod of Neil’s head tells him he wants to speak with him in private. Gut dropping, Billy stands up and follows Neil into the kitchen. The older man corners Billy as soon as they’re out of sight. “If one thing happens to her, just one thing,” Neil’s face is too close to Billy for his liking, “then I’ll make sure you regret it for a long time. Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes sir.”

___

With everything that pisses Billy off about Max, one thing he doesn’t mind is her taste in music. It isn’t completely to his liking, but they have the odd mutually liked band here and there. As she gets in the car and Billy offers Steve a wave (of which is reciprocated), she turns the volume dial up. “I like Bowie,” she says simply and fastens her seatbelt, _Let’s Dance_ blasting through the speakers.

Deciding that he can’t argue with that, Billy silently puts the car in reverse, sneaks another look at Steve, and drives off. As the song fades out on the radio, Billy rolls his window down. “Ziggy is better.”

Pausing in the process of ripping the tag off her new top, of which is half way out of the bag, Max turns her attention to Billy. “What?”

“Ziggy,” he replies, turning the babbling radio presenter down, “The Rise And Fall Of Ziggy Stardust And The Spiders, it’s better than Let’s Dance.”

“I haven’t heard the full album, but Let’s Dance is better,” Max insists as the tag comes off in her hand.

“No away,” Billy replies, his tone light as they drive down the road. “You’re just too young to appreciate it.”

“Shut up,” Max scoffs. “ I haven’t heard the album, and I don’t need to. I have a better taste in music, and you can’t accept it.”

“Oh is that so?”

New shirt back in the bag, Max leans back in her seat. “Without a doubt.”

___

Neil and Susan have been on the cruise for a few days. Billy’s cooked every night so far, but after a busy day at the pool and waiting half an hour for Max in the parking lot of the mall, he’s too tired. She can cook basic meals, but she’s in her room talking to El about something – even though they saw each other just an hour ago. Takeaways in Hawkins are crap in comparison to what was available in Cali, even if Billy’s never been that into them. There is, however, a pizzeria that Billy doesn’t mind.

“Max,” Billy shouts, laid on the couch with the TV on low. “Get out here.”

She makes an appearance seconds later, wearing her new top and sporting a ponytail. Her arms are crossed over her chest, “What?”

“Pizza.” He throws the flyer at her, watching as it falls to the floor, near Max’s feet. “What do you want?”

“I thought the money was for groceries only.”

Billy shrugs. “My treat,” he says with a wave of his hand, biting his thumbnail. “But hurry up, I want to order as soon as possible.”

They agree to split a large _Cream Cheese are Made of This_ , but with the pineapple removed, and six jalapeño twists. Billy’s about to ask Max a question, but she’s gone back to her room, leaving Billy with the TV playing and flyer just out of his reach.

The pizza comes in good time, and feeling generous, Billy tips the delivery guy. In the kitchen, he leaves the majority of the pizza in the box and adds three twists, three slices and his own twists on a plate on the counter.

Max enters the room, something under her arm. When she’s close enough, he realises it’s a vinyl cover. “I bet you haven’t even heard the whole album.” She replaces the pizza box with it. The cover is busy, with Bowie himself sporting fluffy hair and in a fighting position, looking off to the side. In small white writing reads ‘DAVID’, overlapping the large, blue font of ‘BOWIE’ in a… bent, weird font. “Do you not want more pizza?”

Studying the vinyl in hand, Billy finds himself impressed with how tidy she’s kept the cover. “No, three is enough. And my vinyl player is busted.” He’s been wanting to get it fixed for a while, but knows Neil will comment on how it’s a waste of money.

“Use your dad’s,” Max shrugs, starting to walk out of the kitchen. “It’s not like anyone’s going to tell him.” She’s back in her room before Billy can reply.

___

It’s past midnight and he’s sure Max is asleep, but Billy’s not had the same privilege. It’s hot. Too hot. And whilst he’s used to the sun, grew up with the heat and days on the beach with his mom, Hawkins is different. This heat is sticky and close, it’s unavoidable and times like tonight, nothing seems to help.

This is how he’s found himself sat on the couch, _Let’s Dance_ playing on Neil’s record player. The room is dark and the couch is uncomfortable, even when he switches positions a few times. Eventually he settles on laying on his stomach, arms around a cushion that also has the side of his face pushed against. Bowie’s voice is loud enough for Billy to hear – to enjoy – but quiet enough that it won’t wake Max.

Just gone midnight turns into 2 am, and Billy’s got some thoughts on the album, alongside new found favourites. It hasn’t beaten The Rise And Fall Of Ziggy Stardust, but it’s still good. It’s up Max’s alley. He sees the appeal of it.

He places the vinyl in its cover outside her door, and with it, propped against the wall, is his vinyl of Ziggy. _‘Good album, doesn’t beat Ziggy though’_ is written on the piece of paper in front of them. Leaving them there, he heads back to his room, opening the window and turning the fan on.

Seeming as sleep is out of the question, Billy puts his lamp on and grabs his current book – _Tales of The City_. He finds the page he was on, stretching his legs out. He reads a couple of pages before realising he’s humming the tune of a song (name, admittedly forgotten) from _Let’s Dance_. He thinks it might be Modern Love, but he isn’t completely sure.

Maybe he’ll try and catch Max before she leaves in the morning.

**Author's Note:**

> Max and Billy's pizza order is real - it's from a pizza place called totally80spizza. I've never been nor do I even live in the US, but it came up when I searched for 80s pizza toppings, so.
> 
> Find me on tumblr @ giraffewrites


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